Worried teenager woman covering her face with hands on the beach in winter

Are You Struggling to Cope With a Break-Up? 

  • Has the end of a relationship left you feeling disappointed, confused or even broken?
  • Do you feel anxious, irritable and distracted by regrets or other racing thoughts?
  • Are you struggling with feelings of guilt or shame?
  • Have you found yourself crying unexpectedly or feeling hopeless, lethargic and heavy throughout the day?
  • Are you having a difficult time talking about your break-up with friends or family?
  • Are you struggling to let go of your ex-partner and your relationship?
  • Do you wish you could find a way to nurture yourself and move forward in your life?

Break-ups are painful and confusing, regardless of whether your partner ended things or you were the one to realize that your relationship wasn’t working. You may feel utterly shocked by the end of a relationship that you thought would last forever. Or, you might feel guilty about hurting your ex while you try to cope with your own loneliness and sadness. Maybe you miss your partner or wish that you could get back together, but you know it can’t happen, especially if it seems as though your ex has already moved on. Perhaps your relationship ended badly, and you can’t stop replaying fights and hurtful words over and over in your head.

Maybe you and your ex-partner had the same group of friends and you’re now trying to navigate social situations without conflict or pain. You may even feel like your friends or family members are taking sides or growing tired of hearing you talk about your break-up. Perhaps you can’t stop looking at your ex-partner’s social media pages, although you know that seeing updates on his or her life isn’t helping you put your romantic relationship in the past. You may be having trouble falling asleep at night or waking up in the morning. You might just feel tired, sad and lonely and doubt that you will ever find a healthy relationship.

Most Adults Have Gone Through a Painful Break-Up

The end of a relationship is never easy. Most adults have experienced heartbreak in one form of another, but that does not make your break-up any less painful, complicated or disappointing. It’s common to feel lost and hopeless when the person you cared about is no longer there. Some break-ups happen abruptly, with fighting, harsh words and disputes over possessions or even social groups. Others occur after a slow, quiet dissolution of a relationship. Regardless of the particulars of your break-up, grieving the loss of someone who once brought you peace, joy and companionship is painful.

In our modern culture, many people find themselves using social media to keep track of their ex-partners. Sometimes, it can feel like this is a way of having control over your ex-partner or of being involved in his or her life. However, keeping track of Facebook posts, tweets and Instagram photos can also prolong the pain of a break-up. Other people feel ready to move on to a new partner almost immediately. You might want to shut the door on your old relationship and never think about your ex-partner again. But, burying the memories of your ex also means that you may not fully discover what exactly went wrong and repeat your mistakes. Thankfully, with help, you can find a balance between recognizing harmful relationship patterns and letting go.

Break-Up Recovery Can Help You Find Closure and Healing

Whether you are feeling ready to move on or utterly heartbroken, break-up recovery can help you create your best path forward. In sessions, I can offer you tools to help you cope with the end of a relationship while diving into the patterns that might be keeping you stuck in doomed or destructive relationships. In a safe, nonjudgmental environment, you can share your feelings, thoughts and fears openly no matter what you are going through.

After a break-up, it is important to focus on self-care. I will recommend productive or healing ways for you to spend your time so that you can begin to feel excited by life again. If your ex-partner is a part of your friend group or close with your family, I can help you figure out the best way to navigate social situations that might feel painful or uncomfortable. Together, we can look at ways to set healthy boundaries so that you can focus on your well-being and let go of the desire to control or reunite with your ex-partner. I can also help you cope if your ex-partner has started a new relationship.

During break-up recovery, I can also help you investigate unconscious patterns that may be influencing how you choose partners and enter relationships. For example, maybe one of your parents was emotionally abusive or absent, and now you are often attracted to intense types who criticize you or free spirits who avoid commitment. In sessions, we will look into these patterns and determine whether or not the partners you are attracted to actually fit with your values and goals for your life.

Break-ups are emotionally intense, which means many people find themselves controlled by their more primitive brains. I call this “letting the monkey drive.” By linking up your unconscious mind with your conscious mind, you can stop letting the monkey drive you into behaviors that will only bring you more pain or make you feel badly about yourself. And, you can stop letting that monkey steer you into a cycle of relationships that are doomed to end poorly.

In therapy, you can take the time you need to grieve the end of your relationship. Break-up recovery is a place for you to focus on your needs and nurture yourself. And, by looking back and identifying the red flags in the past, you will be better able to spot them in the future. I can help you do that without judgement. With help and support, you can cope with your break-up and feel hopeful and whole again.

A young man looking thoughtful as looks into the distance

You may believe that break-up recovery can help you cope with the end of your relationship, but still have questions or concerns.

It’s too painful to talk about my break-up.

While it may seem like therapy might reopen old wounds, it is very important to understand your break-up so that you can heal fully. Talking through your relationship and the way it ended can help you avoid pain in the future. If you are already very clear

on why this person was a bad choice for you, there is still lots of healing to focus on. When you prevent the monkey from driving, you can begin to experience more fulfilling, healthier relationships.

I’m embarrassed by how I’ve acted during the break-up.

Therapy is a safe space for you to air out all of your emotions. I will never judge you for anything you have said or done. Instead, I will help you better understand your hurt, let go of self-blame, forgive yourself and heal. You may feel ashamed if you have not cut ties completely with your ex-partner, especially if your friend or family members have criticized you. It’s okay to talk about your conflicts with me. Together, we can unpack what is pulling you back to your ex and figure out a plan to move forward.

I already talk to my friends and family. Why do I need break-up recovery? 

Although your friends and family members might be a great support group, they are likely not trained to listen effectively and uncover unconscious behavioral patterns. In addition, they are likely biased. Perhaps they were close to your ex and now they feel caught in the middle. Or, they might be enthusiastically criticizing your ex, which makes you feel horrible about your past relationship. They might even be telling you to stop talking about it or ignoring your when you try to bring it up. In sessions, you can be completely open and really process your break-up. I can offer you a fresh perspective so that you can find new ways to cope, stop regretting the past and feel excited about your future again.

If you are ready to stop feeling heartbroken and alone, I invite you to call me at (415) 294-5007 for a free 15-minute phone consultation to ask any questions you have about break-up recovery and my practice.